In case of accidental overdose...

He may be "the cute one," but he is apparently not the smart one. Former Wings bassist Paul McCartney has finally owned up to his heroin use. That is, his ACCIDENTAL heroin use. Seems the purveyor of easily-digested pop masterpieces forgot to ask that cardinal question of partygoing: "Pardon me, chap, but what is this substance that I'm about to smoke?" The result? Nothing much. Unlike the infinitely more interesting John Lennon (late hubby of the renowned Fluxus artist Yoko Ono), Sir Paul didn't take to the soothing brown bitch goddess the management likes to call "smackeroonie." Is he really that stupid, or does this highly unlikely scenario indicate that he thinks WE'RE that stupid? It didn't work for Bill Clinton, Paulie old chap, and it won't work for the world's most famous vegetarian chili spokesman either.

In other moronic music news, 'Tally proves once again that they are the biggest bunch of assholes in the history of mulletude. Why is Metallica headlining Scotland's Download Festival?? Didn't they notice the word "download" right there in the title? This is the same quartet of habitual circle-jerkers that stained their knickers about all the evil 14-year-olds deviously "stealing" their music via filesharing networks, thereby fractionally reducing the band's multi-gazillion-dollar take-home pay. Remember Napster (before its rebirth as "Napster ® © all rights reserved")? Those people were downloading the music, you twats.